Currently Playing: Lacuna Coil - Self Deception
"There is so much more to this life than you are seeing. Through the shades of your own vision I see a glimmering light..but around us the world is now ending, we can never go back..Not now..Not ever..It's over..I'm sorry..."
I don't know what over came me in the instant, but I had suddenly and completely befell to an apathic notion. I lost all of what I had been feeling, even my eyes reflected inner betrayal. Their lively sapphire color reflected a clouding feeling. Their livliness had been quelled. I looked to Himitsu and she just looked back, a strange look cast unto her own face. I could not tell if that expression, though, were of sadisitic happiness or a deep unseen self-destruction. I couldn't be for a certain what she was feeling. But her eyes were vivid a crimson color as I had ever seen before. Their color darkening and brightening into pools of what reminded me of blood. Her long black hair blew in the now chilled autumn breeze. She just looked so much more forboading in the shadows now. They almost gave her a powerful look. And I, lost in my own mind and thoughts. Still trapped within the shock and surprise of her betrayal, seemed so small. One hand rested in my lap, my legs folded at the side, and my second hand just braced on the floor of the gazebo.
I trembled slightly. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. All this time I had a least thought that Himitsu could fight the darkness that threatened to take her over, to fully control her. But now I had seen just how wrong I was. A little voice in the back of my mind chuckled, whispering, "A fool of an angel." I had not seen just how strong that darkness within her had been growing. I was so blind. I should have seen. I should have known. I had sensed a change in her since our last meeting with Yami, everything had begun to spiral downwards then. Himitsu had become so much colder towards, and barely spoke much to me. She just preferred to ignore me, and now it seemed as in her avoidance of speaking to me, she had already marked me as her enemy. But was it truly Himitsu, or was it simply the darkness within her that precieved me as such? I didn't know..and now there was no chance of understanding. Mallos was dead. I no longer had his soft words of comfort to help me clear things up and to understand easier. I didn't have his comforting knowledge, nor his soft voice to offer comfort. In this time of need, there seemed no one any longer left for me to turn to.
I was completely alone.
I gazed into the direction where his body had just recently laid before disappearing, and my heart sank that much deeper. The sorrow reflected in my eyes seemed to be pooling from the deepest recesses of my soul. That was how deep this wound had cut. A few strands of my rosewood locks fell over my shoulder and obscured my face just slightly with shadow. But my eyes seemed blank, only breeched by the reflection of deepening despair and loss, a deeper sorrow that just kept burying inself further and further within me.
I looked at Himitsu and saw her wiping the blood off onto her black tee. The light from the gazebo lamps reflecting off her deep black hair, creating slight crimson highlights. But when she turned her head to gaze back at me they disappeared. My sapphire-blue eyes met her crimson ones and for a split second held, and then I looked away with a soft sigh. Closing my eyes into the motion, my pale hands clentched into fists, though not of anger but still further self-desolation.
"What have you done?" I said, voice a mere whisper. Again I was shaking with my sadness and rage.
"Anger is a sin, Sakuuya, angels aren't suppose to know such." Her crimson eyes flickered in the dim light of the gazebo.
I glanced up at her, my vision reflecting my inner sorrow. She met my gaze and then resheathed her blade into a side-pocket on her black cargo pants.
"We were suppose to be friends, don't you remember?" I asked somberly. "How could you..How could you let the darkness inside of you win and take control. Kira, please. Why cannot you not see the error in your ways..."
"Because emotions are a tool for the weak, that's why. And you above all should have known that this time would come. I am darkness and you are light. How long did you honestly think that our friendship could have lasted? For all you know, I could have simply just been using you. You who's guided by soft, petty emotion. It makes you weak."
"Kira.." I whispered turning away from her, hiding the tears that were still rimming the edges of my eyes. I trembled slightly, though I said no more and once again gazed into my empty lap. Thinking of Mallos. Which caused my heart to tighten painful. What in Inari's name had come over Himitsu that caused her to commence such an act? The darkness, that was it. It was becoming overwhelming, and slowly I thought back to my conversation with Mallos and Yami. About Armageddon. The battle that Mallos had instilled within my mind. The battle between the equal forces of light and darkness. Between Himitsu's and my equal balances. Light and Darkness. Earth and Fire. We were complete opposites, and it was a fool's mistake for me to ever believe that our two rivaling existences could ever coexist in peace. Yet, we had done so well. Until Yami and Mallos stepped into the picture, and things around us began to spin out of control.
I could not simply blame this ill-fate on Mallos and Yami, because long before they even came into the picture. It had already been foreordained that the world was going to end. At some time. One day. It just hurt so much to think that Kira and I were to be the ones who were to end it. With Kira fighting for destruction, chaos and upheavel. And me, fighting for peace, virtue and the right. Her for death. Me for life.
I then thought back to what Max had told us only but earlier today..About how she was going to die soon. And suddenly I felt a sharp jolt. "Max.." I whispered gazing up into the top part of the gazebo. Eyes soft, but seeming blank to most if not all emotion. Yet they were searching, trying to conceal the sadness that glimmered there.
But suddenly Kira began speaking again. "You mean Yami's little kitten? Oh yes, she's just fine. Would you like to see her? Even if you don't, you've no choice. We've got something especially planned for you, little tenshi."
I just glanced aside, not really seeming to have heard what she had said. But I suddenly felt a chilled breeze rising up behind me, and then someone wrapping their arms strongly about me. Forcing me into a standing position. Though, I did struggle. It wasn't much. Though, now back on my feet I found myself face to face with Kira. Who gazed back at me with sharp, piercing crimson eyes. Sorrow masked my face, and I looked away. There was a sudden flash of crimson light and a spur of dark energy as the gazebo and park melted away before us. Something happened along the lines of the transfer. For the next moment, I had suddenly befell to a sharp darkness. My mind lost within strange revelations and recollections. Memories that I really had no recollection of ever having.
I saw two people fighting. And then their images were trapped in a glass sphere which mirrored a globe shape. It was a imitation of the world. And as the two fought, slowly the edges began to crack and break away. The pieces falling away at the edges in the form of ashes, or dust. It was some form of hallucination. It had to have been, but it felt so real. There was a blond fighting against a black-haired opponent. The blond possessed the white-feathered wings of an angel. And the other the tattered-black wings of a fallen. I heard the sound of their blades clashing, as the sphere continued to break away, falling away like grains of sand into an hourglass. And then the image melted away. Like candle wax. Everything suddenly grew obscured. Though, I heard, distantly the soft voice of a young man whispering, "Sakuuya..Sakuuya.."
When I came to, I was laying on a cold-stone floor. It was completely dark, and very chilly. Waking up, I gingerly lifted up my head and gazed before me. There was no one else, or anything else in the room with me. The chamber was empty except for my frail form. Which the shadows seemed to eagerly be surrounding. Waiting, like predators to strike. I shivered slightly, though felt considerably weak. My head was throbbing, and I was not for a certain where I was. I remembered Kira at the gazebo. She said that she was taking me to see Max, and that she, or they, whoever they were, had something special planned for me.
I slowly got to my hands and knees, pulling myself up, I shifted my legs to folding at my side, while one of my pale hands braced against the stone ground. The second hand, was clentched in a fist held against my chest. I felt the shadows growing around me, yet they did not come too close. As my angelic-half seemed to drive them back. But they were slowly growing more and more bolder. I drew my body closer together, gazing absently into the andumbration.
I slowly began to recall all that happened so far. The gazebo, Kira's sudden shift into the dark magicks of the world. She had changed so much, and the change meant so much more than she realized. And none of it was good. Though, I knew that she was too far dug-in, that attempting to talk to her about it would only push her further away, and drive her that much deeper into the darkness, into anger and rage. I shivered again, though not because of the airiness of the room, but rather as I thought back to what had become of my once most dearest friend. I tried to think of happy thoughts, but right now, my mind was more drawn onto trying to figure this all out. Why Kira had decided to join Yami's darkness, why she had killed Mallos, everything. Why I was here in this cold chamber, alone. Where Max was. What that strange dream-vision had meant.
Closing my eyes I listened closely to the sounds of the room. While my mind wandered between thoughts and worries, and then shifted to trying to find some clever way to escape. Basically, my two halfs were in a duel against each other. I needed to find Max. To know if she were safe and all right. But to do that, I needed to try and find some way out of here. So in the end, my first step was to try and find some way out. I glanced about the room, searching for anything that I might have been able to use in a means to help in my escape plan. But there wasn't anything. The entire area was empty except for me. The door was obviously locked. I could tell that from even where I sat in the middle of the chamber. And I wasn't good at picklocking as Kira and Max. But, I was good at wicca. Yet finding a spell that did not require any other physical articles was a completely different story. Just as I thought of a release spell, though, the door suddenly swung open and two men walked in. Each wore a strange mask of deception and an almost blank, mindless look. As if they were wind-up toys that only had a certain amount of time before they stopped.
"Milord and lady, wish to speak with you," said one of the men.
"The games start in about ten minutes. And milady wished you to be present at the time," replied the second one.
"Games?" I repeated quite skeptically.
"Yes, the games. A battlefront that is to take place to exploit the strongest units to be added to our army."
"Units?" I said voice soft, curious, but also slightly bitter. My eyes narrowed skeptically.
"We don't need to explain ourselves to you," said the first of the men. As he and his companion suddenly advanced and reached out to grab my arm. I tensed and prepared to attack, but suddenly their images blurred, and each suddenly reappeared latching themselves onto me. Their grips tight and very strong. I winced. They were far too young to be possessing such strength. Unless they were like Max, gentically enhanced individuals. Then I suppose it would make sense, in at least one way or another. But otherwise, there was no logical meaning to such.
I was suddenly and roughly tugged out of the room. Down several halls, and then out into a very noisy part of--wherever it was that I was. It looked to be some sort of castle from the view that I now precieved. We were in something much like a coliseum. There were people aligning it on all sides. Shouting and talking loudly. Acting as if it were their prime goal was to talk over the next person. I glanced to the side and down towards the battle area. There were further shoutings, and screams. Angry, happy, sadistic. I looked harshly away.
We kept on walking until I came to a the large key box. Were all the important people supposidly sat. Like back in Casear's times. This was the place were he and the commision would sit. Though, the only person who was sitting anywhere near the area was none other than Kira. She sat cross-legged on her chair, watching the batttles intently, as if observing each and every individual. Her pale fingers were laced within each other, and her crimson nails catching a glint of the dying sunlight, flickered viciously. Her long raven-black hair was occasionally blown about due to a breeze that from time and time hit the box. As we arrived, she tossed her head and brushed a few strands out of her blood-colored eyes. Her lips curled into a smirk, and suddenly she turned and looked at me. Our gazes met, but I suddenly looked away. Smiling coolly, Kira stood up, brushing her hands along her thighs and walked over to me.
"You don't seem to be enjoying yourself, Sakuuya.." said Kira in a strange, almost seductive voice.
I said nothing and continued to avoid looking at her. Obviously not impressed with even a little part of this whole set-up.
Kira smirked and then flicked her wrist, dimissing the two men who still held onto me tightly as if afraid to let me anywhere near her.
"You may go, I'll take care of things from here," said Kira in an idle voice. The two men bowed and backed away. Dimissing themselves from the box. However, though, just as the first two men left. Two others appeared from the shadows, grabbed my arms and then shoving me across the way, where I hit my back against a post. Gasping softly and collapsing. They then forced me back into standing position, binding me with rope and chain. Binding my arms to my sides. They stepped aside; Kira stepped up. And still I kept looking away.
"You did want to see your friend did you not?" asked Kira coolly. Her voice nothing like her own.
Again I said nothing, still avoiding to look at her.
Kira sighed. "Are you still upset because of what I had Kira do to Mallos?"
My eyes widened suddenly and I looked up, meeting Kira's crimson gaze. But in her eyes I did not see her, but rather I was Yami's playfulness flickering there. "Did you honestly think that I could only possess the bodies of captives that I held within my dome?"
"You can only possess her, because she has submitted to the darkness," I said softly, though levelly.
"She's become the first half of the Armageddon, Sakuuya," replied Yami coolly.
"Aa, and I still have yet to become the second," I answered quietly. I had again turned my gaze from him, pretending to be either lost in thought or watching the games going on below us.
Yami watched me closely.
"People are dying, Sakuuya," he explained arrogantly. "Slowly the darkness is rising up. The Four Horsemen have already entered this world, and already brother has been turned unto brother. Rivaling blood being spilt, and where is your precious Inari in all this? Has she abandoned her place already?"
I turned apathic on him.
But suddenly Yami approached me and grabbed my face in his cold hands. Though I looked only into Kira's crimson eyes. Eyes that searched my face for emotion, for meaning. Though there was none. He backed away once more and then followed my gaze onto the coliseum.
"Should I reveal Max to you now, my dear?" He asked casually. Though there was an evil glint in his eye. "I turned Kira onto Mallos, because I knew that next to Rae he was the closest thing to your heart. One of your last barriers. In order for the world to end, I needed to revive the ancient magick within you. The magick that is that which belongs to an angel. In order for the world to end, I needed to bring about that power. Though, it seems that my attempts were slightly--misguided. For though your heart is weakened, twice over, you still refuse to releash that power. I need that power, Sakuuya. Show it to me."
"You can just keep wishing," I shot. "Because I'll be damned if I were to ever help you."
"But Sakuuya..people are dying. This world is an evil place. People are killing people. People are dying. Can you not hear them. Their screams as they realize that the ones they thought they could trust were simply wolves in sheep's clothing. Do you not wish to help them? Are you going to betray your position just like your beloved Inari?"
"She has betrayed no one. It is only you who've done any betraying.."
"Ah, me and Kira, remember..She killed Mallos."
"Only because you made her do it. You were too coward yourself, so you had someone else do you dirty work. That's pretty low, if you ask me."
"I'm known to do low.." said Yami with a sadistic smile. "Like I could do right now," he stepped nearer to me. "But you're hope-barrier protects me from getting too close. But that doesn't mean that I cannot attack from afar. How many times, Sakuuya must you be betrayed..how many times must your heart break before you will just give in? Give in to the inevitable?"
"Millenias, if need be," I said levelly. Though it was obvious that my levelness was directed outwards as sarcasm.
"You won't live long enough," said Yami.
"Then I guess, you'll just not win this battle, hm?"
Although suddenly I saw a familiar form appear on the battlefield. Her chin-lengthed layered black hair and violet eyes sparkled in the fading sunlight.
"Max!" I gasped. The dark-haired demon smiled coldly at my sudden surprised and shocked revelation. He idly shifted his hands about as if rolling something about in them. But I was still too shocked to be focused on anything save Max. She seemed almost as apathic as I had been just recently, yet she moved with a purpose and with her unnatural speed and cunning. My eyes went wide as I observed her battling. Yami turned his cold eyes back onto me, and I could sense a sinister desire rising up within him, which caused a shiver to run down my spine. Though I did not express that shake outwardly. It was kept, locked within.
"Ah, but that's not all.." said Yami coldly, as I quickly turned my head to face him. Sapphire eyes cold and bitter. And yet, all he simply did was raise his hand and I saw that in it he held Max's seizure pills. Again my eyes flickered in shocked surprise, narrowing dangerously.
"You bastard," I snapped coldly.
Yami just shrugged. "What can I say? It's in my blood. The blood of a cold-blooded killer. The same blood, and the same killer who's entity runs through your own friend's veins." He turned to gaze to the battlefield. "The world is going to end Sakuuya, whether or not you give consent. There is nothing that you can do. Humanity's at the end of its last rope length."
I lowered my head obviously a sign of slight submittance. A few strands of my hair fell over my shoulder, slowly obscuring my unnaturally bright sapphire-blue eyes. Yami turned back to me, no doubt curious at my sudden quietness. He saw my head lowered, my gaze focused on the ground, and smirked.
"You see? It isn't going to take you too long now to break. Words are powerful, at times even more than physical attempts. A few words spoken, and you lose your nerve. Well then, it looks like I am going to win after all."
I snapped my gaze back up, a strange gleam reflected in my eyes, one that made Yami recoil slightly. "Neither light nor darkness will win this battle, Yami. For you know as well as I, as well as Mallos did that together the two will destroy one another. Along with them the world. The world is nothing more simply than a ball of color balanced delicately on an axel that is made up of good and evil. Like the saying goes, remove one and earth will collapse, remove them both. And nothing shall ever last. That's all life is, that's all the earth ever will be. Nothing but a scale, which holds in its claws an orb of light and it's couterpart, an orb of darkness. A balance, a scale, that only exists so long as an equal balance exists between said two elements. Between said good and said evil."
"Mm, how awe-inspiring. Little Sakuuya is speaking in riddles," said Yami with another of his cool smirks. "But either of which, none of that matters now. For we already have our component, our champion. So then, where is the light's? The one who will rise to challenge her?"
"We are not dolls and tools for you to use, Yami. We are human beings. We have a life, and it's one that we ourselves direct. Not some ancient prophecy. Some legendary battle. We control our own lives. While you simply manipulate and use others'. Everyone has their own path to travel their own destiny to chose." My eyes once more flickered with that strange gleam. To which Yami just smiled harshly against.
"You won't win this, Sakuuya, you can already feel Inari's powers coursing through your body. You can already sense the lightness inside of you growing. Your angelic-self surfacing, you can't deny what is meant to be, Sakuuya. For it will always come to pass. Just like right now, just like what will happen in less then three days time. We await for you, and when the time comes you will find us, and you will seek Kira out. Such is your destiny. Such is inevitable. When the time is right, come, come and find us, where the Savior lyes." He then turned and walked away. Leaving me alone to simply wall in my thoughts. In my own self-deception.
A while passed as I simply remained bound to that post, with only the fights to occupy myself with. Albeit, my thoughts were anywhere but cast onto said fights. I thought back to what Yami had been saying earlier, about me becoming the challenger for the light. Their own champion, as he made reference to Kira as. I thought about Max and what would happen now that she did not have her pills. She went missing a while back, but I did not think that Yami would have captured her for this reason. I then shifted my thoughts back to Kira and the sudden cloak of darkness that had cast its unholy grasp onto her. And how if things happened as Mallos had predicted they would, then Kira and I would meet in battle, a battle to end all things. To end all battles, and with it take the entire world down with us.
I glanced up towards the sky trying to think of anything but the whole Armageddon ordeal. I tried to think of Rae and the other guys, and a faint and hurtful ache struck my heart. The guys..they were still untouched much by this evil deed at hand. But still, they were as close to us as anyone or anything else. Atop that, the world around me seemed to be ending as the day befell to a sudden quick night. I glanced back down at the battlefield. Max was still there, still fighting. However, into the third round, I suddenly saw her stumble. She defeated her opponent, but soon after she nearly collapse. Their was a fearful expression cast onto her face. An expression that seemed to read 'dear god, not now.' She turned and ran from the scene. Quickly exiting the coliseum.
"Max," I breathed softly. Where was she going? She couldn't go too far with all the guards and people around the area. And with Yami wandering about..I would have thought that she would know to tread more cautiously. I followed her for as long as my gaze would allow, until she had vanished from my sights. I struggled at my bindings, but they were nowhere near coming undone. My arms fell still in the ropes as I glanced towards the twilight sky with a sullen expression. What was I going to do? How could I help Max from here when I was bound as I were by these chains and ropes. A shift in my position and I heard the metal ching of the chains, but my heart was already sinking.
A sudden loss in the weight drew my attention back towards the bindings. The rope and chains at my sides suddenly fell loose. Surprised, I turned my head quickly to my side, though I did not see anyone. As my sapphire gaze searched the the area, I kept finding that the scan was coming up empty handed. So then--who or what had realeased me? I shook my head, never mind that didn't matter right now. My goal now was to find Max and pray that I would not arrive too late. Another brief scan of the area and then I looked down at my feet and found the vile that Kira had held in her hand, Max's pill phial. With a quick swipe of my hand, I picked the bottle up and then glanced into the distance horizon, seeing the sun still sinking beneath a black horizon, casting a sickly red glow across the horizon. Time as running out. Quickly I rushed from the box and into the direction that I had seen Max vanish through, a voice in the backs of my mind chuckling and mocking me saying "hurry, Sakuuya. Hurry, hurry, hurry angel.." And I ran, to where I did not know, all I did was follow on instinct and my heart. Praying still that neither would be misleading.
I kept running for some time, at least ten to fifteen minutes. Rushing from the colliseum and through the outskirts of the area till I can to an open field, in which a single sakura tree blossomed. A wave of uneasment and unpleasantness swarm through me, and I felt my heart's pace quicken. Dear Inari, I thought, please tell me that I am not too late..I glanced at the sakura tree to find a form huddled beneath it. She was curled up in the fetal position, her hands wrapped about her shoulders and she was shaking. A seizure. "Max!" I cried and rushed through the field till I was at the side of my friend. She kept shaking and without hesitation I reached into the pocket of my bleached jeans to pull out her pill vial. I popped the cap and tipped two pills into my hand. "Here," I said, reaching out and taking her hand in mine, I went to drop the pills into it, but Max suddenly shook her head. She was still trembling, but was in control somewhat of the seizure. She opened her eyes and looked at me, placing a shaky hand atop my own.
"No, Sakuuya.." said Max voice softened. "It's too late for that, this is what Mallos has shown me..My time..has come. But please, you must promise me, promise me that you will save Kira. That you will stop her from what she is about to do..and if not, then I hope that you will pray for her soul's salvation. Be strong, and--godspeed to you.." That hand then went limp and Max stopped trembling, her eyes slipped shut as she drew her final breath. When her hand fell from mine, my hand fell pathetically to my side, the pills dropping onto the ground beside me, and the pill vial also slipped to the ground spilling forth its contents. As for a moment I was cast into utter disbelief, but fought down the urge to try and shake her with the hopes that she were simply asleep. Which I knew she were, Max was indeed sleeping, but it were an eternal sleep. The truth revealed that my friend was dead, and my heart ached. I may not have known her for too long, or even known her long enough to know what she was all about. But we had been through so much already, and in such a short time, but in all that I had felt so close to her. Like I had known her all my life, so then why? Why now did this have to happen? She did not deserve to die. No one really ever did, except for those of the darkness. Albeit, even so, if they were to die then the world would not have survived and existed for as long as it had. There had to always be that balance or else the world was to end for a certain. Fate was cruel like that.
Turning my gaze away from Max's body, I cast my sapphired gaze into the distance. There was a great deal of sorrow masking my face, and pain as well. Tears fell silently from my evening gaze, as I slowly closed my eyes feeling a gentle breeze sweeping the area. No words were uttered save an extremely soft "goodbye," and the wind played through my rosewood locks as if to be a foolish attempt to ease my sorrow. Opening my eyes, they caught a glimpse of the fallen sun and sparkled as I sensed in the distance a dark presence only all too familar. It was Kira, and she too had watched as Max left this world, a single tear of blood slipped from her eyes as she looked on from the distance. Where she stood somberly, her hands at her sides, with me opposite to her on my knees before Max's body, my hands folded in my lap and my head bowed, my eyes closed as if I were praying with my eyes still letting tears fall down my cheeks. A blast of wind past between out two forms, light and darkness reflecting themselves and then everything after that just seemed to go so silent and still. A sorrow shared between the two. I came too from my bowed position, lifting my gaze and then looked into the distance, as Kira and I both gazed into the horizon, our spirits meeting one another's gaze, and still the wind swirled around our forms once more to fall still.
Life, it is a vicious circle. You are born, you live, and then everything must eventually die.
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